Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize