we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
