Me too!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
