My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
