Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
