she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
