my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have tasted many bathrooms
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
