i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
