I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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