Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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