I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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