DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
