Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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