I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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