3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
