i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
