Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
