I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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