I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
