he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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