we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
