I think my vagina is haunted
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
