I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
