Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want to make out with him forever
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize