ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
