this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
