Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
