so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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