im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
