just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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