a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
