Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize