i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
