I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize