i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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