You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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