Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
