She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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