The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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