This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
