I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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