Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

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(914): View more from New York

My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

(845): View more from New York

She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

(914): View more from New York

well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

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(616): View more from Michigan

my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

(1-616): View more from Michigan

does that include her cleaning your bowl?

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(805): View more from California

WHY are the edges of my bra charred???

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(919): View more from North Carolina

when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch

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(309): View more from Illinois

I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"

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