Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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