I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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