idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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