The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize