You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
