Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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