Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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