just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
