I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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