he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
