I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize