Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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