Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
