You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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