Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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