so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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