apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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