Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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