I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
