I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
