dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
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