he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
