Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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