she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we're so committed to being not committed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize