dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
even my farts smell like vagina
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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