OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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