if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
