First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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