doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
