you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
