Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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